The Endless Search...Finding God In Everything, but mostly in myself

Everyday, the question I pose to myself is, the purpose for existence, who God is, how to get closer to this, "God," etc. I even at times question if there is a point of all of this, if we are here by mere random chance. But, then I get back to who I am. Which takes me closer to who God is. I feel the most in touch with God when I am the most in touch with myself. What has this taught me? Simply put: God made me, and if God made me, then a part of who God is lies within me. This is one of the truths that pumps throughout my veins and grounds me in my existence. If nothing else, being who I truly am; instead of what my family, what society, what religion, what my job wants to define me as, brings me closest to my maker.
There is a point I've reached and aim to reach where I am in tune with everything...with the, "rhythm of the world," so to speak. I feel like the wind, the cars, every growing organism, everything swells up in this beautiful symphony, and I am playing my part to create the noise that IS. This is when I feel closest to my creator.

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing this more for myself than anyone else. I've learned a lot about who I am and want to speak that truth, regardless of how much my view point may differ with those that I love. This is and has been a long journey for me that I am slowly coming out of. Depression is like a deep, dark, heavy blanket that covers your entire soul, mind and body. The ONLY way I have found any hope out of this is by being rawly honest with myself, despite everything I have believed and all of the fear I have in exploring who I REALLY am (this is a large part of the reason I chose to make this blog private, I don't want to upset people through my changed viewpoints and self-exploration that they may not agree with). If you are reading this, thank you for taking the time.

Much Love,
Andi